Saban

When it comes to Alabama, I don't do a lot of trash talking. Sure, I'll make the occasional jab. I'll call their quarterback Sara Jessica Parker Wilson, and all of that fun stuff. Nothing too serious. I'm not a trash talking kind of guy. I just want to get this out of the way.

The following isn't trash talking. It's merely me expressing my opinions. I apologize if I offend anyone.

Saban disgusts me, bottom line. It has nothing to do with the fact that he's Alabama's coach either.

Pat Forde said it best,

With Nick Saban en route to a coronation in Tuscaloosa, it's officially time to change the vocabulary used to describe college coaches.

"Integrity" is out. "Character" is out. "Teacher" is out. "Leader of men" is out.

"Liar" is in.

Does this apply to all coaches? No, but it certainly applies to Nick Saban.

Why "integrity" is out.

integrity - adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty

This one's easy. "I'm not going to be the Alabama coach." - Nick Saban

As Michael Ventre put it,"the Saban lie is a doozy, a humdinger, that earns him inclusion in the Sports Liars Hall of Fame."

Nick Saban is not a man of integrity. He is an unethical liar.

Why "character" is out.

character - qualities of honesty, courage, or the like

No matter how the local "media" tries to spin it, DJ Hall was supposed to be suspended for the game. After struggling in the first half, Saban decided to play him anyway. When asked about the suspension after the game, Saban's response was, "It was what it was."

Basically, Saban went back on his word (suspension) for the sake of winning at all costs, and then didn't have the courage to answer a simple question about his decision.

Nick Saban is not a man of character. He is a dishonest coward.

Why "teacher" and "leader of men" are out.

From Ian Rapaport's column:

The players on the University of Alabama sideline began to head for the locker room before the clock struck 00:00. Most exited without a handshake for the opponent, and all exited with their chins hanging in the dirt.

Those aren't men. Of course, Saban thinks they are. And among those "men" is Simeon Castille, who Saban says is, "one of the finest young men on our team." This was after Simeon was arrested for disorderly conduct.

If this is an example of "one of the finest men" on Bama's team, I'm at a loss for words.

From the police report.

"The suspect stated that this was going to hurt his draft status and squatted against the wall and appeared to be crying."

It appears that one of Bama's finest only cares about himself.

What did this "teacher" do to punish Simeon? What about Fanney, Upchurch, and Deadrick?

No suspensions. Saban keeps discipline in house, unless your name is Keith Brown, Prince Hall, Antoine Caldwell, Marlon Davis, Glen Coffee, Chris Rogers, Marquis Johnson, or DJ Hall. Which more than likely means that Fanny, Upchurch, Deadrick, and Castille were not punished at all.

Castille went on to throw bottles at the crowd in Mississippi. I'm sure he wasn't punished for that either.

Nick Saban is not a teacher or a leader of men.

Pat Forde is definitely onto something. Liar doesn't quite fully describe Saban though. He's much, much more.

Vols Fan - One Week Only

"I'll get you my fatty. . .and your little hound too!"

I have an unspoken pact with one of my best friends where I become a Tennessee fan one week out of the year, possibly two. I'm talking about the third week in October and if the Vols and Tide win their division, the SEC Championship game. Of course, this doesn't involve me being "just happy" if Bama loses. I have to become an actual Tennessee fan. With that, my attitude has to change for the worse. I have to trash talk and all of that fun stuff. So yeah, go Vols!!!

Everyone knows that the Philsbury Doughboy owns the crapstain. After all, he's amassed an 11-3* record against the turd. He also went 2-1 against the Buhr while playing offensive guard for the Vols. However, he's only 1-2 against the Wicked Witch of the SEC West.

A bammer would say that Fulmer's losing record to the Wicked Witch gives them an advantage, but to the trained eye of a Tennessee fan, they're nothing but a redneck idiot. That lying SOB has never played the Southern Sumo under these conditions.

Saban at Bama is no match for Fulmer.

That's right. Fulmer will extend his total domination over the turd Saturday morning, and the cups will come flying to the field at Bryant Denny Restaurant.

*Was 10-3-1, but the crimson cheat forfeited 1993 giving UT the win.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words - Part 2

Remember when FSU coaches hid their signal caller from the Bama sideline? Aside from a few bloggers, not that many people talked about it. At the time, I found this very odd because it was one of the most bazaar things I'd ever seen at any level of football. I never even heard Finebaum mention it, which is surprising considering Gary Danielson's comment.

It turns out that not that many people saw this part of the game. Perhaps fans changed the channel after the first half snooze-fest. Or perhaps people just didn't care about it. Whatever the case may be, here's the video.

Is that Verne Lundquist, or Ed McMahon doing the play-by-play? "Yes!"

* Update — According to scalpem.com, using a towel/blanket is now a part of FSU's signaling. Thank you NoleCC for the update!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

First, there was Stoops alluding to the notion that Saban had people spying on OU's practices before the Sugar Bowl. Then there was that pesky "bought audio tapes" situation at Miami before upsetting highly favored New England 21-0. Next, Bill Belichick, who helped groom Saban, was busted videotaping opponents' sidelines in order to learn their signals. After that, Mark Richt, who has one former Saban staffer underneath him, closed UGA practices for the first time in seven years the week they were to play Bama. Finally, FSU, who has two former Saban staffers employed, used a wall of players and a blanket held by freshman Jacob Stanley to hide their signal caller from the Bama coaches.

I wonder how the conversation between Coach Bowden and Stanley went...

Bowden: Simmons, git over here!

Stanley: Yes, sir. But it’s Stanley.

Bowden: Okay, Simmons. That sombitch Curry stole my job at Bama, now he’s stealin’ my signals!

Stanley: Uhhh, Coach. It’s Sab-

Bowden: Look, Simmons. You’re from Jacksonville, right?

Stanley: Yes, sir. But my name is Stan-

Bowden: I want to use you in front of your home crowd, Simmons.

Stanley: That’s great, Coach! You won’t regret it. But my name is Stanley.

Bowden: I don’t want that sombitch Curry seeing our play callin’ signals, so your gonna hold this blanket up so he can’t. Understand, Simmons?.

Stanley: That’s…yes, sir. I’m Stan-

Bowden: Good. We’re gonna show that Curry what for.

Stanley: Yes, sir. But it’s Saban…not Cur-

Bowden: Your name’s Saban? Hell, son. Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been callin’ you Simmons this whole time!


Not to have someone outdo him in accusations that Bama cheats, Fulmer is already busy having a blanket constructed to hide him when UT plays the Tide.


No need to worry, Tide fans. Saban is always one step ahead. He has constructed a bulletproof plan to infiltrate enemy lines undercover.

*The links in this entry have been corrected.