Iron Bowl Pregame

Well, it's that time of the year again. It's hard to explain, but I'm excited for this one...but I'm not.

Overshadowing the players this year are the two coaches. For Alabama, you have coach Nick Saban. He has such a nasty attitude. I wonder why?

For Auburn, you have coach Tommy Tuberville. Some people call him wingnut. What the hell's a wingnut?

Both of these coaches are seasoned veterans with a combined 23 years of experience as head football coaches in Division 1. Their coaching styles are completely different. Saban has a more animated approach.

Yikes. I could, but I'm not going to go there!

Tuberville has a relaxed approach. This is about the most animated you'll see him unless he wants to argue with the officials.

I would have posted the animated gif but it looks exactly like the picture. Exciting, huh?

Usually, I ask some pregame questions before kickoff. This game is different so I decided to do something else. Instead of asking questions, I'm going to make a few suggestions to the players.

I'm not too worried about the defense. To put it another way, I don't want to think about our DBs trying to cover DJ Hall. So I'll focus on the offense.

My first suggestion is for Robert Dunn. I guess this could apply to the other receivers, tight ends, running backs and the defensive secondary (not thinking about it!).

The ball is not a hot potato. It will not hurt you to catch it. In fact, it'll probably feel pretty damned good. All of those people in the stands wearing orange and blue will cheer for you. You might actually put six on the board after you catch it. If you bat it down, all of those people in crimson and white shirts will cheer. You don't want that!

My next suggestion is for the offensive line, mainly Lee Ziemba.

Don't get too excited! Remember playing "red light-green light" when you were a kid? I'm sure you were a big kid. Being so, you were probably pretty slow. I'd imagine you never won while playing it. Well, now you're a man. You definitely aren't the slowest anymore. Think of this game as your time to finally win "red light-green light". You have to remember that if you jump early, you lose. Don't jump offsides, you win! As an added bonus, you could win the football game as well. Then everybody's happy!

My final suggestion is for Brandon Cox.

This is it, man. Sure, you'll more than likely have one more game, but this is the one you'll be remembered for. This is your last hoorah at Jordan-Hare. This is your last chance to beat Bama. Make too many mistakes and some fans, not I, will never forgive you. Just ask Stan White. To avoid this from happening, make your decisions wisely.

No matter how well you think you can throw the ball do not throw it into coverage. Single, double, triple, it doesn't matter. I can't stress this enough.

I've taken the liberty of highlighting all of the areas at Jordan-Hare where you can throw the ball when you get into trouble.

Any area outside of the highlighted area is fine as well. Remember, an incompletion is always, ALWAYS better than an interception.

To the rest of the team.

Relax and have fun. We're behind you 100%. Keep a level head, and we can expect to see some of this Shula-like behavior:
And hopefully we'll see Tubs pull one of these:

I would also accept the following, but my records indicate that Tuberville has no extra fingers.

One last thing before I go... WAR EAGLE!!!

Who Owns the Refs? - Revisited

It's Iron Bowl week, so I decided to do another comparison of penalties called in Auburn's and Alabama's games. In doing so, I also compared their opponents' penalties against Auburn and Alabama to what they averaged against other opponents.

When I compiled my first "Who Owns the Refs?" entry, Auburn and Alabama had only played four games. They both have now played eleven games, so we should be able to get a better idea of who really owns the refs in this state.

Here are comparisons of penalties per game and penalty yards per game for Alabama, Auburn, and the SEC average.

Hmmm, interesting. While opponents were penalized more times for more yards against both teams, Alabama certainly takes the cake.

Auburn is on par with the SEC average in penalties per game and penalty yards per game. Alabama is penalized less for far less yards than the SEC average. They're number one in both categories in the SEC. When it comes to penalty yards and opponent penalty yards, Alabama is number four and number three in the nation.

Of course, there is no distinction between offensive and defensive penalties here. I'm definitely not going to sift through a bunch of play-by-plays to get the information either! However, we can see which offense is getting more of a boost from penalties by comparing first downs gained by penalties.

I included the total chart because it paints a better picture of what's going on. Auburn has gotten more first downs from penalties than the SEC average, but so has their opponents. The gap between first downs awarded to Alabama compared to their opponents is amazing. They've received more first downs from penalties than any other team in the nation. There are only four teams in the nation whose opponents have received less first downs from penalties than Alabama. Could this be because of Bama's schedule?

Auburn and Alabama have had six common opponents this year. Are their non-common opponents skewing their numbers? After all, USF and KSU are two of the top penalized teams in the country. Let's see how Alabama's and Auburn's opponents averaged against other teams.

I took the average from the opponent teams, excluding Alabama for their comparison and Auburn for theirs. Western Carolina and Tennessee Tech were excluded from this average.

Teams averaged less penalties for less yards when playing other opponents than when playing Alabama and Auburn. There is clearly a larger gap for Bama's opponents. The teams they've played have averaged less penalties for less yards per game than Auburn's opponents, yet they averaged more penalties for more yards when playing Bama.

What about their opponents' penalties?

Auburn's opponents benefited from the same number of penalties per game against other teams than they did against Auburn. The yardage is about the same as well.

Again, there is a clear difference between the number of penalties called when teams have played Alabama. Those teams benefited from more penalties for more yards per game against other opponents than the teams Auburn played. Head to head, Bama's opponents didn't get nearly as many calls or as many yards as Auburn's opponents did.

What about first downs?

Opponents got more first downs from penalties against Auburn than against other teams. Likewise, Auburn received more first downs from penalties than the other teams they played. That pretty much balances out.

Bama's comparison speaks for itself.

Basically, teams have been penalized more, for more yards, and given up more first downs from penalties when they played Bama than when they played other teams. It's not even close. And it's because of this we can conclude that Bama fans have no business complaining about calls.

I'm not sure if Bama owns the refs. Every team in the SEC has gotten their share of BS calls this year. But this screen cap taken from the Bama/Ole Miss game is mighty suspicious.

The Tubs Don't Lie

When asked whether he he was going to leave Ole Miss Tuberville responded by saying, "They'll have to carry me out of here in a pine box." Contrary to popular belief, this was not a lie.

Tuberville waves goodbye to Mississippi.

People argue that the "Tub-Boat", built by Tuberville and his wisecracking father-in-law, isn't actually constructed of pine. What those people fail to recognize is that "pine box" is a synonym of casket.

People also argue that no one actually carried him out of there. This is just simple symbolism, people. "They" refers to the ponies under the hood.

So there you go. Tuberville didn't come out and say, "I'll leave Oxford in a casket hot rod," but he certainly didn't lie. Maybe he should have dumbed down his wording for the anti-Auburn crowd, but like Pat Dye says, "Hindsight is 20/20."

Auburn vs. "Heed"

"That boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts. Now that was offsides, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow."

Let's hope that Miles will be crying himself to sleep tomorrow night on his huge pillow after losing. It'll take a near flawless game on Auburn's part to pull this one out. LSU is the real deal.

Offense - I'm excited that Auburn will be opening up their offense tomorrow night against LSU. Not that I don't enjoy a good low-scoring slugfest, because I do. I just think they'll need to in order to win.

LSU has the number one scoring and rushing defense in the SEC. LSU also leads the SEC in sacks, which could mean big trouble for Cox.

Auburn has played only two teams that can compare with LSU's sacking ability, KSU and USF. As of yesterday morning, both of these teams were averaging more sacks per game than LSU. They also forced Cox into making bad decisions. KSU had 5 sacks and 8 quarterback hurries, and USF has 2 sacks and 13 quarterback hurries against Auburn. You can bet that Les Miles and defensive coordinator, Bo Pelini, are going to try to exploit this.

Auburn hasn't had much success on the ground against powerful rushing defenses this year. This can partially be attributed to Brad Lester's absense. The impact he has made since his return is definitely evident, but I'm still not certain his presense will make much difference against LSU's stifling D. After all, they're only allowing 68 yards per game on the ground.

It would be nice if Borges pulled a Muschamp and completely obliterate the force he's facing this week. I would like to see more passing, but Auburn's going to have to establish the run early in the game before doing so. Either way, they're going to have contain Ken Dorsey and know where Craig Steltz is at all times.

Defense - LSU has the number two rushing offense and the number eight passing in the SEC. This balances out making them fourth in the SEC in total offense.

After last week, I have no worries that Auburn can stop the run, but what about the pass? Auburn has given up some big plays this year through the air. It seems that Wilhite is good for at least one boner play a game. The linebackers pass coverage leaves a lot to be desired as well.

It looks like Aairon Savage might get to play, which is good. Quentin Groves is back, and will be able to put pressure on the QB. Even with their return, I'm still not convinced that Auburn can consistently stop the pass.

Luckily, LSU's offensive weakness is their passing game. Matt Flynn hasn't been impressive at all this season. I have to agree with Richard Pittman at Geaux Tuscaloosa when he says, "As for Perrilloux, it is clear that he is the more talented QB between he and Flynn." Don't tell Miles this. I'd much rather see Flynn lining up behind center tomorrow than Perrilloux.

Vols Fan - One Week Only

"I'll get you my fatty. . .and your little hound too!"

I have an unspoken pact with one of my best friends where I become a Tennessee fan one week out of the year, possibly two. I'm talking about the third week in October and if the Vols and Tide win their division, the SEC Championship game. Of course, this doesn't involve me being "just happy" if Bama loses. I have to become an actual Tennessee fan. With that, my attitude has to change for the worse. I have to trash talk and all of that fun stuff. So yeah, go Vols!!!

Everyone knows that the Philsbury Doughboy owns the crapstain. After all, he's amassed an 11-3* record against the turd. He also went 2-1 against the Buhr while playing offensive guard for the Vols. However, he's only 1-2 against the Wicked Witch of the SEC West.

A bammer would say that Fulmer's losing record to the Wicked Witch gives them an advantage, but to the trained eye of a Tennessee fan, they're nothing but a redneck idiot. That lying SOB has never played the Southern Sumo under these conditions.

Saban at Bama is no match for Fulmer.

That's right. Fulmer will extend his total domination over the turd Saturday morning, and the cups will come flying to the field at Bryant Denny Restaurant.

*Was 10-3-1, but the crimson cheat forfeited 1993 giving UT the win.

Arkansas Pregame

I only have two questions for tomorrow's game, but they're big ones!

1. Will Auburn's defense be able to contain the two-headed monster that is the Arkansas backfield?

McFadden and Jones perform for the home crowd before kickoff.

2. Which Cox will show up? The one that threw six picks and fumbled once the first three games, or the one that actually looks like a fifth year senior?

Road Game Streak? Even Better!

After I posted yesterday, I started to think about Auburn's loss to LSU in 2004. That's seven SEC road games in a row that Auburn has won. That's pretty impressive, but I'm not sure people are picking up on the real story here.

There's a slight difference for SEC teams when playing road games at LSU thanks to Gerry Dinardo. He successfully lobbied to have a 1982 rule that prohibited home teams from wearing white jerseys overturned. So LSU, like they did before 1982, wears white jerseys for their home games. Except now, they only wear them when playing SEC opponents.

What does this have to do with Auburn? It's pretty obvious, but let's take a look at their losses over the past few years anyway.

2007

vs. MSU

vs. USF

2006

vs. UGA

vs. Arkansas

2005

vs. Wisconsin (Capital One Bowl)

at LSU

vs. Georgia Tech

2004
Undefeated!

2003

at UGA

And there you have it. Auburn has't lost a game wearing white jerseys since November 15, 2003.

Auburn will be wearing white this weekend in Arkansas. The week after that, they'll be wearing their blue home jerseys at LSU. I'm not trying to jump ahead here. Arkansas will prove to be a very difficult game, but wouldn't it be cool if Auburn pulled a 1996 Vanderbilt against LSU? You know, just to stick it to them.

It's actually too late for Auburn to decline LSU's request to wear white jerseys at home. The NCAA rule book states,

Players of opposing teams shall wear jerseys of contrasting colors, and the visiting team shall wear white jerseys. White jerseys may be worn by the home team when the teams have agreed before the season.

What if the streak continues, and Auburn drops a few while wearing blue? What will become of the beloved blue jerseys?

Woah, slow down there, Antoine Carter! Let's not jump the gun on this one.

If Houston Nutt has anything to say about it, the streak will end this weekend. It'll take a lot more than my wacky "White Jersey Theory" to win that game.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

First, there was Stoops alluding to the notion that Saban had people spying on OU's practices before the Sugar Bowl. Then there was that pesky "bought audio tapes" situation at Miami before upsetting highly favored New England 21-0. Next, Bill Belichick, who helped groom Saban, was busted videotaping opponents' sidelines in order to learn their signals. After that, Mark Richt, who has one former Saban staffer underneath him, closed UGA practices for the first time in seven years the week they were to play Bama. Finally, FSU, who has two former Saban staffers employed, used a wall of players and a blanket held by freshman Jacob Stanley to hide their signal caller from the Bama coaches.

I wonder how the conversation between Coach Bowden and Stanley went...

Bowden: Simmons, git over here!

Stanley: Yes, sir. But it’s Stanley.

Bowden: Okay, Simmons. That sombitch Curry stole my job at Bama, now he’s stealin’ my signals!

Stanley: Uhhh, Coach. It’s Sab-

Bowden: Look, Simmons. You’re from Jacksonville, right?

Stanley: Yes, sir. But my name is Stan-

Bowden: I want to use you in front of your home crowd, Simmons.

Stanley: That’s great, Coach! You won’t regret it. But my name is Stanley.

Bowden: I don’t want that sombitch Curry seeing our play callin’ signals, so your gonna hold this blanket up so he can’t. Understand, Simmons?.

Stanley: That’s…yes, sir. I’m Stan-

Bowden: Good. We’re gonna show that Curry what for.

Stanley: Yes, sir. But it’s Saban…not Cur-

Bowden: Your name’s Saban? Hell, son. Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been callin’ you Simmons this whole time!


Not to have someone outdo him in accusations that Bama cheats, Fulmer is already busy having a blanket constructed to hide him when UT plays the Tide.


No need to worry, Tide fans. Saban is always one step ahead. He has constructed a bulletproof plan to infiltrate enemy lines undercover.

*The links in this entry have been corrected.